Video:
Victim Care: Issues for Clergy and Faith-based Counselors
Special Issues – Lesson Eight – Video Clips #1, 2, 3 & 4.
Access via http://grants.denverda.org/FCPEI/index.htm or
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Assignments:
Read, Texts of Terror, by Phyllis Trible (Fortress Press). Develop an outline for a series of sermons on women in the Bible who were violated.

Watch the movie "Sleeping with the Enemy" starring Julia Roberts. What were the first signs of the potential for domestic violence? What were the wife's options at different points in the story?

Lecture:
(The authors recognize that both women and men are victims of domestic violence; however in this document the “feminine” reference will be used.)

Violence between spouses and intimate partners was acknowledged in early Babylonian and Mosaic laws, continuing down to early Roman law that allowed men to chastise, divorce, or kill their wives for engaging in behaviors they, themselves, enjoyed such as drinking from the family wine cellar.ⁱ

It might be said that the Apostle Paul supported some of these standards as evidenced in his letter to the Ephesians in which he instructs wives to be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord. However, he goes far beyond the standards of the day when he requires also that men love their wives as themselves.

Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be subject in everything to your husbands. Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it as Christ does the church. (Ephesians 5:21-29 RSV)

It wasn’t until the 1800s that women like Susan B. Anthony first rebelled against male domination and abuse. Most known for her zeal in promoting the right for women to vote, Anthony was also creating the first women’s movement in this country by addressing domestic violence, the victimization of prostitutes, and the battle for equal pay. She published a newspaper edited by and for women, cautioning workers about sexual harassment while railing against substance abuse and pointing out that women beaten by their intoxicated husbands were its most common victims.ⁱⁱ

In spite of the noble efforts of Susan B. Anthony and others in this country, not much changed for women until the first protective shelters for battered women were established in the 1970s as an outgrowth of efforts to shelter wounded animals. Now, more than 2,000 assistance programs in the United States serve victims of spouse and intimate partner abuse, and approximately 1,200 of these are shelters. Most of the shelters are in urban areas, but all women can receive information and assistance through websites and hotlines.

According to former Surgeon General Koop (2000), 3 to 4 million women are beaten by their husbands or partners each year, but the true prevalence is unknown because so many women do not report the abuse. Domestic violence is believed to be the most common but least reported crime in the country.

Definitions:
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), the term “battering” generally refers to a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence.ⁱⁱⁱ Authors Rennison and Welchans state that victims of domestic violence are overwhelmingly female – they are the wife, former spouse, same-sex partner, or a current or previous cohabitating partner of the perpetrator.^iv

All states have domestic violence laws, but they vary state by state. Every faith leader should know the legal definition in his or her state. Following is a common legal definition of domestic violence.

Any assault, battery, sexual assault, sexual battery, or any criminal offense resulting in personal injury or death of one family or household member by another who is or was residing in the same single dwelling unit. “Family or household member” refers to a spouse, former spouse, persons related by blood or marriage, persons who are residing together, as if a family, or who have resided together in the past, as if a family, and persons who have a child in common regardless of whether they have been married or have resided together at any time. (Office of the Attorney General, Florida, 1993)

Categories of Domestic Violence
Domestic violence has been classified into three categories: physical abuse, psychological or emotional abuse, and sexual abuse.

1. Physical abuse involves pushing, shoving, slapping, punching,
kicking, choking, biting, assaulting with a weapon, throwing, holding or tying down, restraining, throwing objects at another person, damaging property, leaving someone in a dangerous location, and refusing to get help when the victim is sick or injured.

2. Psychological or emotional abuse involves threatening, name calling,
put down statements, criticizing, yelling, insulting, belittling, falsely accusing, ignoring or ridiculing needs, lying and breaking promises, driving recklessly to frighten a person, intimidation, humiliation, deprivation of necessary resources, injuring or killing pets, isolating a person from family and friends, constantly monitoring whereabouts allowing little or no personal freedom, extreme jealousy and possessiveness, threatening to harm himself or the children, and withholding money.

3. Sexual abuse involves forcing a person to perform sexual acts against his or her will, pursuing sexual activity when the victim is not fully conscious, asleep or afraid, intentionally physically hurting a person during sex, assaulting genitals or inserting objects vaginally, orally, or rectally, coercing a person to have unprotected sex, and calling a person sexually degrading names. (Marital rape is now illegal in all 50 states.)

Stalking
Stalking is often linked to domestic violence and is sometimes considered another form of domestic violence. A 2001 study by the National Institute of Justice found that 38% of stalking perpetrators are former husbands, 14% are current or former boyfriends, and 10% are current or former cohabitating partners.^v

All 50 states, the federal government, and the District of Columbia now have stalking laws. Fourteen states classify stalking as a felony on the first conviction and 34 states classify stalking as a felony on the second conviction and/or if the crime involves aggravating factors. Criminal and civil definitions of stalking vary by state, but a common definition of a stalker is:

Any person who engages in a course of conduct directed at a specific person that places that person or the person’s family in reasonable fear for their safety (National Institute of Justice, 1993).^vi

Stalking includes the following: spying, unwanted calling/ writing/ emailing, accosting, harassing, and threatening. Stalkers may follow their targets physically, but also may use binoculars, telescopes, long-lens cameras, video-cameras, and hidden microphones. Stalkers may use accomplices (both witting and unwitting) to track the victim’s whereabouts and activities.

A 1998 National Institute of Justice survey^vii of stalking victims provided information about the tactics stalker most commonly use:

a. 82% followed, spied on, or stood outside the home or workplace;
b. 61% made unwanted phone calls;
c. 30% sent unwanted letters or left unwanted items;
d. 30% vandalized property;
e. 90% threatened to kill or harm pets.

As stated in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence, stalking victims suffer a much higher incidence of the following symptoms than the general population, especially if they are followed or have their property destroyed: anxiety, insomnia, social dysfunction, and severe depression.^viii

Dynamics of Domestic Violence Relationships

Batterers
Many professionals believe that domestic violence batterers were abused as children themselves and were taught, as well as experienced, that men abuse women and children. Denigration of the batterer when he was a child diminished his self esteem to the degree that he could only feel good about himself when overpowering or controlling another person physically or emotionally. As an adult, batterers “need” a spouse or partner as a possession as affirmation of self worth and believe the only way to “have” her is to have complete control over her.

The majority of batterers who end up in police custody have extensive criminal records, although most of the offenses are related to speeding, drunk driving, and other misdemeanors. Most batterers lack strong ties to family, employment, or the community as measured by family disruption, high unemployment, and frequent residential changes. However, the image they present in public is often of caring, concerned partners and fathers who blame others for their unfortunate circumstances.

Victims
In addition to physical injury, depression is the primary psychological manifestation of women to physical and emotional abuse. Even after leaving the relationship depression can linger, especially if stalking and violence or violent threats continue or if custody battles involving children prolong the dysfunctional relationship. Financial insecurity also contributes to depression.

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) also manifests in a high percentage of abused women. The most common PTSD symptoms for battered women are nightmares, unwanted intrusive memories, and hyper-arousal (an anxious state of always feeling on guard or of needing to “walk on egg shells”).

Low self-esteem is also common among victims of domestic violence, especially women who experience emotional abuse. On the other hand, some battered women develop a stronger, more independent strength-based self image after surviving a violent relationship and the complex issues of distancing themselves from their former partners.

Role of Substance Abuse
Faith leaders should recognize the role of substance abuse in many domestic violence situations and resist judgment. The primary goal of intervention and support is physical safety of the victim and children. Women whose partners abuse them are likely to use alcohol or other drugs. Batterers tend to begin using alcohol or other drugs before they become abusive. Domestic violence victims tend to begin using alcohol or other drugs in response to the abuse.

Based on an analysis of published studies by National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, 57% of men involved in domestic violence and 27% of women involved in domestic violence incidences were drinking at the time.^ix

Effect on Children
Between 3 million and 10 million children are believed to be witnesses of domestic violence each year, and its effect on them is significant. Their worlds are neither physically or emotionally safe. A literature review on the effect of domestic violence on children^x revealed that in 30% to 60% of cases, both spousal abuse and child abuse were occurring in the same household.

Even when children are not physically abused, they suffer significant psychological symptoms including helplessness, ambivalence, fear, embarrassment, anxiety, and depression that often prevail into adulthood. Temper tantrums, truancy, theft, and fights with siblings and classmates are common among boys, while girls are more likely to suffer somatic complaints such as stomach aches, headaches, school phobia, bed wetting, nightmares, and insomnia.

Children learn that violence toward loved ones is acceptable and, in response to their fear and vulnerability, boys begin to identify with the aggressor by the time they are five or six. Their experience creates a belief that personal power is achieved through control of others; therefore by the time they are adolescents they are also abusing their mothers and siblings.

How Faith Leaders Can Help

Victims

When a victim of domestic violence turns to her faith leader for help, she has probably struggled for months to determine if she will be safe, especially if the abuser is a member of the same congregation. It takes a great deal of courage to come forward with information about one’s abuse.

Safety: If a victim calls a counselor or clergy from her home, it is important for the support person to know if the abuser is at home with the caller. If the victim feels she is in imminent danger, support persons should not go to the home but rather call the police. It is important for the support person to avoid being caught in the middle of a dispute which may put him or her in danger.

If a victim is being stalked, encourage her to install dead bolts and, if possible, additional outside lighting. Suggest that she get an unlisted phone number. Recommend that she contact law enforcement every time an incident occurs. This will help build a legal case against the abuser. Victims should vary routes taken to and from work and not walk alone. If she trusts her neighbors or apartment manager (not if the abuser has signed the lease), suggest that she tell them what is happening and, if they do not know the stalker, provide them a photo and identifying information about the stalker’s automobile so they can help keep watch.

If clergy and support persons become aware that children are also being abused in the home, they are mandated to report the abuse to law enforcement or human services. Pastor/Penitent confidentiality privilege does not extend to child abuse.

Support: It is important to believe individuals who say they are being abused. Do not ask for verification of a story and do not confirm the story with the abuser.

Ask directly about the violence when there is an opportunity outside the presence of the offender. Ask about the first incident, the most recent, and the worst. Point out that the abuser’s behavior is not acceptable in any circumstance and that it is a crime.

Remember that most women leave their abuser an average of seven times before they permanently leave. Domestic violence victims may go back to the abuser for numerous reasons: lack of financial security, lack of transportation (a common control strategy), and because she believes her partner will change. Giving too much advice or telling the victim what to do can emulate the emotional control of the batterer.

Resources: Connect victims with community resources. Local domestic violence programs and shelters can provide information and resources. The national domestic violence hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

If a victim is willing, introduce her to a woman who has successfully left a domestic violence relationship. This woman may be able to provide beneficial psychological and emotional support.

Provide victims with information about support groups for battered women who are choosing to stay in their relationships, at least temporarily. Local battered women’s shelters know how to access these programs.

Inform victims about filing orders of protection or restraining orders. Suggest and support long-term or permanent restraining orders, thus eliminating the need for regular renewals. Information about restraining orders can be found from the District Attorney’s Office or local law enforcement.

If a victim decides to leave the batterer, help her develop a plan to do so which puts her in the least danger. A plan includes:

Batterers
It is difficult, if not impossible, for a faith leader to minister to both the victim and the abuser. If both parties are in the same congregation – each of the partners should have their own key staff member or trained lay person as a confidant. Safety for victims and accountability for perpetrators are central principles in support work. Abusers need professional counseling to learn to control their anger and change their behavior. This must be achieved before reconciliation is ever considered.

Most Batterer Intervention Programs are based on the following principles:

a. Each person is responsible for his or her behavior. The victim did not cause the violence, nor is he or she responsible for stopping it.

b. Provocation, whether perceived or real, does not justify violence.

c. Violence is a behavior of choice. It is a dysfunctional, destructive choice with negative consequences.

d. Nonviolent alternatives to problem-solving exist which are functional and appropriate.

e. Violence is a learned behavior. Just as a perpetrator learned to be violent, he must learn to be non-violent.

f. Violence affects all family members. If it continues, children will learn that violence is an acceptable method of problem-solving.

Role of the Faith Community

National domestic violence researcher and victim advocate Sarah Buel (University of Texas at Austin), the Nebraska Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Coalition, and the Faith Trust Institute in Seattle, Washington have developed recommendations for the faith community as they minister to domestic violence victims. These recommendations include the following:

Discussion:
The findings of the 1995 research study conducted by Dr. Joan Winfrey^xi form the basis for class discussion. A historical overview of pastoral care provides a context for considering the ministry of pastoral caregivers today with victims of domestic violence. Several dimensions of care giving are relevant: healing, sustaining, guiding, and reconciling.

Findings of study for class discussion:
1. Pastors appear not to be, in large measure, participants in providing care to persons involved in domestic violence situations.
2. Pastors typically enter the ministry completely unprepared to deal with domestic violence issues.
3. The relationship between pastors and community agencies that serve domestic violence victims is an uneasy one.
4. Pastors who are willing to openly address domestic violence issues appear to recognize the importance of utilizing a variety of human resources.
5. Pastors who address domestic violence issues with intention may have in common a number of characteristics such as humility, courage, and the willingness to work in “the trenches.”
6. Pastors who assist in domestic violence cases negotiate difficult personal boundary decisions.
7. Burnout is an ever-present problem for pastors.
8. Recurring theological tensions for pastors include:

a. The sanctity of life versus the covenant of marriage;
b. The sovereignty of God in the presence of evil;
c. The difficulty of balancing love and accountability toward perpetrators;
d. Forgiveness, repentance, reconciliation and faith.

ⁱ Wilson, K.J. When Violence Begins at Home: A Comprehensive Guide to Understanding and Ending Domestic Abuse. Hunter House; Alameda, California, 1997.
ⁱⁱSherr, Lynn. Failure is Impossible: Susan B. Anthony in Her Own Words. Time Books/Random House; New York, 1995.
ⁱⁱⁱNational Coalition of Domestic Violence (NCADV). See at http://www.ncadv.org.
^ivRennison, C.M. and S. Welchans. Intimate Partner Violence. Special Report, National Criminal Justice #178247: Washington DC: Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2000.
^vNational Institute of Justice. Stalking and Domestic Violence: the Third Report to Congress Under the Violence Against Women Act. U.S. Department of Justice; Washington D.C., 2001.
^viNational Institute of Justice. Stalking and Domestic Violence: the Third Report to Congress Under the Violence Against Women Act. U.S. Department of Justice; Washington D.C., 2001.
^viiTjaden, P. and N. Theonnes. Stalking in America: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey. U.S. Department of Justice, Office for Victims of Crime; Washington, DC, 1998.
^viiiBlauss et al. “The Toll of Stalking,” Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 17,1.
^ixNational Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. Alcohol Alert (38). National Institute of Health; Bethesda, MD, 1997.
^xEdleson, J.L. “Children’s Witnessing of Adult Domestic Violence,” Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 14, 839-870; Bureau of Justice Statistics. Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001. U.S. Department of Justice; Washington, D.C., February 2003.
^xiWinfrey, Joan Burgess, “Pastoral care for Abused Women”, Unpublished research: conducted under grant from ATS, 1995